In case you’ve been living under a rock, Adelaide’s been quite hot of late. Very hot. With temperatures passing 41 degrees earlier this month and more unbearably high temperatures ahead, December has gotten off to a sweltering start.
If there’s one we’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that clammy, inescapable Adelaide heatwaves are as much a South Australian summer staple as Giant Twins and that ominous giant Santa Claus.
But we deal. We make a go of it. Here are some of the best ways to survive the Adelaide heat this summer.
NB: If you’re actually in a bushfire zone or really struggling with the heat, please visit the CFS or SA Health websites asap.
1. Frantically make sure your phone and/or laptop are always charged in case of blackouts
Whether its trees on a powerline or load-shedding caused by mass air conditioner use, no one wants to be cut short midway through a Netflix binge. You’ll eat up your mobile data, but at least you’ll know whether or not Taystee makes it outside of Litchfield.
2. Three words: Target air conditioner
Whether you’ve just lingered by the Rundle-Pulteney pedestrian crossing or found yourself absent mindedly wandering around the socks section, every South Australian has at some point enjoyed the cool, surely quite uneconomical embrace of Target’s air conditioner. This song by the late, great Adelaide singer-songwriter Baterz remains a timeless classic, and rightly so.
3. Try to figure out if “hottest December night since 2009” is actually a real milestone
Or maybe we can all agree that yes, it has been quite hot. Not the most hot it’s ever been, but still up there. Sort of.
4. Fill your backyard with containers of water to do your bit for local birdlife
But also to attract any adorable koalas that have inexplicably ventured down from the foothills.
5. Flee to the coast
Sometimes when the Adelaide Plains get so hot you just need to gtfo, flocking to Victor, Port Willunga or even Second Valley is the only viable option. Sure you may end up sitting in traffic metres from the beach because everyone else had the same idea, but look at the pretty water!
6. Invent new and ingenious ways to turn your backyard into a waterpark
By ingenious we mean utterly stupid, and new we mean ‘in blatant violation of water restrictions’. Don’t forget to run out to your nearest outdoor store for the cheapest wading pool available.
7. Remember that Mount Thebarton, sorry, Snow Dome, sorry, Ice Arena is still a thing
You know who always looked comfortable, relaxed and not sweating like a Rundle Mall statue? Charlie Conway and the goddamn Mighty Ducks. You too can live the dream.
We forget the context of this quote but it is probably about the temperature in ice arenas
8. Bunker down in a cinema, watch a movie set in the Northern Hemisphere
With airconditioning, sustenance and reliably comfortable bathroom facilities, you can usually find Adelaide’s cinemas filled with patrons sheltering from the heat both physically and mentally in front of movies set in comfortably cool locations.
Macbeth on the snow-covered fields of Scotland? Take us there. Watching Chris Hemsworth marooned on the open ocean in In The Heart of the Sea? Sounds refreshing. Star Wars: The Force Awakens set in the cold of deep space? Excellent. Creed evoking memories of Stallone punching carcasses in a lovely cold meat refrigerator? That’s the ticket.
9. Go waterslidin’ at Beachouse, reminisce about Magic Mountain
The waterslides might be a lot fancier these days, but the giant poo had a certain je ne sais quoi that just can’t be replicated.
10. Begin to view Homer Simpson as a role model instead of cautionary tale
Despite temptation, this is not a good idea. Unless you want to encourage your daughter’s development through the gift of music, in which case go nuts.
or Manny from Black Books:
11. Stay the hell away from the Mall’s Balls
Or as they’re known over summer, the Twin Metallic Suns of Shiny Searing Pain.
Thought you were our friend, Mall’s Balls
More you might like:
Your ultimate festive guide to Adelaide Christmas markets
Greenhills Adventure Park to close after final, nostalgia-filled summer
Adelaide bravely survives brief pwer outage
Image:
20th Century Fox
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