South Australia’s biggest beard-themed musical export The Beards will lather up and call it a day after a decade.
For ten glorious, hairy years the band’s four members have sacrificed such earthly pleasures as trouble-free bowls of porridge, non-awkward job interviews and itch-free summer months to preach the benefits of facial hair through the miracle of song. Now they’ve declared that mission accomplished.
“We feel like we’ve achieved what we set out to achieve through music,” frontman Johann Beardraven says of the split. “A lot more people have beards now than when we started out, and people now realise that beards are totally boss. We’ll now be moving on to Phase Two of our pro-beard operation, but not before we go around one last time and say a heartfelt thankyou to everyone who’s come out to see us over the years, and especially to everyone who’s grown a beard, or adopted a pro-beard attitude.”
The band look set to bow out on a high note following a successful 10th anniversary tour, Christmas single with Kate Miller-Heidke and a growing international cult following. Yessir, it’s safe to say that they have well and truly exceeded anyone’s expectations about the longevity of a band who only sing songs about beards.
Despite retiring the project, the band maintain their commitment to facial fuzz remains unflinching.
This of course isn’t the first time the band have laid a concept to rest. Formerly known as The Dairy Brothers, for years the band pushed the limits of milk-themed rock to their most extreme before changing tack. Who knows what new venture the four members may resurface in. The Gluten Brothers? The Moustaches? The Not-Beholden-To-A-Single-Theme-But-Still-Quite-Good-Novelty-Band Brothers? At any rate, the pure, simple and unadulterated genius of gems like Got Me A Beard, A Wizard Needs A Beard and You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man will be very hard to top.
Just in case all you Beards fans are bristling with dismay at the very thought of future cleanly shaven of the band’s hirsute hits, never fear! They’ll be saying farewell to their hordes of hairy fans with a huge, huge tour of Australia taking in all the capitals and regions, with a final homecoming show on Saturday, May 21 at Jive. Tickets available here.
THE BEARDS FAREWELL TOUR DATES
Wednesday, January 20 – West Tamworth Leagues, Tamworth Country Music Festival
Saturday, February 6 – Houghton Festival, Houghton
Saturday, February 13 – Meatstock, Sydney Showgrounds
Thursday, February 25 – Royal Oak Hotel, Launceston
Friday, February 26 – Waratah Hotel, Hobart
Saturday, February 27 – Red Hot Music, Devonport
Friday, March 11 – Bar Indigo (Leisure Inn), Rockingham
Saturday, March 12 – Rosemount Hotel, Perth
Sunday, March 13 – Wintersun Hotel, Geraldton
Friday, April 15 – Bodega, Wellington
Saturday, April 16 – Kings Arms Tavern, Auckland
Wednesday, April 20 – Pier Hotel, Esperance
Thursday, April 21 – The White Star, Albany
Friday, April 22 – Dunsborough Tavern, Dunsborough
Saturday, April 23 – Prince Of Wales, Bunbury
Wednesday, May 11 – Yarella Sports Club, Gladstone
Thursday, May 12 – Lionleigh Hotel, Rockhampton
Friday, May 13 – Magnum’s, Airlie Beach
Saturday, May 14 – Dalrymple Hotel, Townsville
Sunday, May 15 – The Jack, Cairns
Saturday, May 21 – Jive Bar, Adelaide
Wednesday, May 25 – The Loft, Warrnambool
Thursday, May 26 – The Golden Vine, Bendigo
Friday, May 27 – Ss & A Club, Albury
Saturday, May 28 – The Area Hotel, Griffith
Thursday, June 9 – Railway Club Hotel, Darwin
Friday, June 10 – Railway Club Hotel, Darwin
Saturday, June 11 – Katherine Hotel, Katherine
Wednesday, June 15 – The Spotted Cow, Toowoomba
Thursday, June 16 – The Soundlounge, Gold Coast
Friday, June 17 – Sol Bar, Maroochydore
Saturday, June 18 – The Triffid, Brisbane
Thursday, June 23 – Karova Lounge, Ballarat
Friday, June 24 – The Barwon Club, Geelong
Saturday, June 25 – Corner Hotel, Melbourne
Thursday, June 30 – Beachcomber Hotel, Toukley
Friday, July 1 – The Cambridge Hotel, Newcastle
Saturday, July 2 – The Metro, Sydney
